Thanks for such an honest and confronting article. Many of the matters you discuss resonate strongly with me. Many of which I regularly reflect on.
Growing up in a Christian family was something I took for granted and when I questioned that it caused a rift within my family. This was exacerbated when I found out that my parents had kept the Church's pastor's sexual abuse conviction from me for fear that I would be 'put off the Church' if I found out. I found it hard to reconcile their protection of the Church rather than asking if anything untoward had happened to me during my time in Youth Groups etc. (thankfully nothing did). Like you, I could understand their thought process and have forgiven them for this and our relationship is now better but the issue sits in the corner...
My wife is unusually empathetic and feels physical pain when others suffer emotional harm. This has opened my eyes up to the usually unseen (to me) harm that a lack of thought of others (or even self-centred thought) can cause. Most of us never intend to harm others, especially those close to us, but it doesn't come naturally (for most of us I think) to really think of others and how our actions, words, or inactions could affect them. I now try to do this - and it is hard. Not as hard to actually understand their perspective but as to then choose to act in a way that results in an outcome that isn't my most desirable one had I not thought of them. Although, like type two fun, afterwards I sleep better. Perhaps this is why we should be looking to walk others home when and while we can.
Thank you Chris 🙏🏻 I appreciate your heartfelt response. (I had to Google "kia kaha", and admittedly, it made me weep.)
I'd be interested if your wife has any resources or references that have helped with managing her highly empathetic nature, or perhaps you might have some on being the partner of an empath? At the risk of intellectualizing, this was also something that I struggled with in my relationship.
I think the area of "church hurt" is something I want to write more about. I've realized that many unhelpful beliefs stem from this period of my life. Your story sounds particularly challenging, and I'm glad that you have been able to find forgiveness.
Thanks for such an honest and confronting article. Many of the matters you discuss resonate strongly with me. Many of which I regularly reflect on.
Growing up in a Christian family was something I took for granted and when I questioned that it caused a rift within my family. This was exacerbated when I found out that my parents had kept the Church's pastor's sexual abuse conviction from me for fear that I would be 'put off the Church' if I found out. I found it hard to reconcile their protection of the Church rather than asking if anything untoward had happened to me during my time in Youth Groups etc. (thankfully nothing did). Like you, I could understand their thought process and have forgiven them for this and our relationship is now better but the issue sits in the corner...
My wife is unusually empathetic and feels physical pain when others suffer emotional harm. This has opened my eyes up to the usually unseen (to me) harm that a lack of thought of others (or even self-centred thought) can cause. Most of us never intend to harm others, especially those close to us, but it doesn't come naturally (for most of us I think) to really think of others and how our actions, words, or inactions could affect them. I now try to do this - and it is hard. Not as hard to actually understand their perspective but as to then choose to act in a way that results in an outcome that isn't my most desirable one had I not thought of them. Although, like type two fun, afterwards I sleep better. Perhaps this is why we should be looking to walk others home when and while we can.
Kia kaha Dario.
CG
Thank you Chris 🙏🏻 I appreciate your heartfelt response. (I had to Google "kia kaha", and admittedly, it made me weep.)
I'd be interested if your wife has any resources or references that have helped with managing her highly empathetic nature, or perhaps you might have some on being the partner of an empath? At the risk of intellectualizing, this was also something that I struggled with in my relationship.
I think the area of "church hurt" is something I want to write more about. I've realized that many unhelpful beliefs stem from this period of my life. Your story sounds particularly challenging, and I'm glad that you have been able to find forgiveness.